DIVORCE LAWYERS of TREECE & TREECE, P.A., Thomas D. Treece, practicing law for 42 years along with his partner Debra Crews Treece, who has been practicing part-time for over 27 years while raising children, bring not only experience, knowledge, and commitment to the table, but meaningful multiple perspectives which reach each of the reader’s needs, issues, and frame of reference. Together they have handled 1OOO’s of family law cases, advising 1OOO’s of family law clients, and resolving 1OOO’s of family law issues to restore the lives of these battered families.

Question: What advice do you have for divorcing parents in regard to the welfare of their children? How can parents work to protect their children during the divorce proceedings?

          Mr. Treece: The parents, with the advice and guidance of their attorneys, work to develop the parenting plan. A parenting plan is a court ordered document that is agreed upon by the parties or ordered by the court that includes the parental responsibilities (custody), decision making authority, and the time-sharing (visitation) between the parties in regard to their minor children.
We work very closely with our clients to explore the various types of “parental responsibilities” available and develop a tailor-made plan for their specific needs, issues, and facts related to their family. The parenting plan is developed to insure that the best interests of the children is the primary consideration when determining how the parents will continue to share in the raising of their minor children.

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Question: What advice do you have for divorcing parents to protect their children from the destructive aspects of divorce?

          Mrs. Treece: I consider it vitally important for each parent to encourage, even promote, the love, respect, and close relationship fostered by open, consistent, and honest communication between the children and the “other” parent. Neither parent should make or allow other family members to make derogatory comments regarding the other parent in the presence of the couple’s children. If necessary, let each spouse replace their mutual love with mutual respect and a willingness to cooperate with one another and communicate honestly with one another in regard to their minor children. Remember it is hurtful to your child to attempt to diminish the relationship he or she has with the other parent; remember the child should not be the victim.

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Parents must take very seriously the alarming and devastating effects divorce so frequently has on the party’s minor children and the importance of their working from the very beginning to alleviate inappropriate choices and behavior toward the other spouse which does nothing but confuse an discourage the children. Parents should study diligently while attending one of the mandatory classes required under Florida law, such as “Children First in Divorce”, which teaches parents to support and assist their children through the painful process of divorce. The course provides invaluable information on the effects of divorce on the children and steps the parents can take to minimize the destructive aspects of divorce.

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Question: What are some of the most frequent mistakes you see divorcing parents
making with their children?

         Mrs. Treece: Parents must be aware of the often long-term, damaging effects of involving their children in the adult issues related to the divorce. Often times a parent, however unintentionally, uses the children as a tool to hurt the other parent, to manipulate and control the other parent, to punish the other parent for the disappointments or injustices he or she feels they have had to endure during the relationship.
It is important to work to maintain an age-appropriate, healthy, productive relationship with your children. Your child is NOT the parent; your child is NOT the priest, pastor, rabbi; your child is NOT your marital counselor; your child is NOT your confidant to work with you on your problems; your child IS a child. Your child is NOT to be a victim of this divorce.
You are forever connected to the other parent of your children; be forever mindful of that permanent relationship, in most cases. Be kind, reasonable, fair, constructive, be the Adult.
Remember your child loves both of you and does Not ever need to.be positioned “in the middle” of argument, discussions, or decision.

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Question: When parents are divorcing, how much should they tell their children about the divorce or the problems with the other spouse?

          Mrs. Treece: It is important to be honest, frank, and direct when discussing the divorce with the children but, in very general, generic terms, disclosing only what is necessary for them to know to understand the decision that has been made. Do not discuss the details of the problems between you and your spouse with your children. Remember it is very important to show respect for the other parent while communicating to the children. Do Not criticize the other parent in front of the children; Do not argue or speak disrespectfully to your spouse in front of your children. Most importantly, encourage your children to have a healthy, open, positive relationship with your spouse, remembering all of the time that the children should not be conflicted regarding their feelings about loving each parent. Assure your children that both of their parents love them unconditionally and they will always be there for them.

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Question: How can parents work with their children to maintain a healthy relationship during and after the divorce?

          Mrs. Treece: Listen to your children; encourage them to talk to both parents; encourage them to come to you and your spouse whenever they feel the need to talk about their feelings or problems. Do not solicit information about the other parent from the child; allow them to tell you what they would like to share. Do not ask your children to make decisions they are not able or willing to make, i.e., like what parent they want to live with. Encourage them to have a close and loving relationship with their parent. Parents, we want our children to feel safe, secure, loved. Believe it or not, much of that continued security depends on how we, as parents, treat one another. This is how our children learn to treat each other now and in the future.

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